You know you are in India when..

Note: Inspired by a post from Facebook.

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them fighting and stands to watch. A crowd gathers and they all hoot and shout but do not get involved. Just as soon as the fight begins to lose its color or gets too serious, everyone turns around and walks on.
That’s MUMBAI

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. 2 truck loads of people arrive at the scene. Pretty soon 50 guys are fighting. Some come with swords and a lot of pent up North Indian anger.
You are in PUNJAB !!!

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up. A few people get shot and a girl gets raped somewhere in the background and no one seems to notice. Theres a lot of “Tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?” and such aristocratic showing off.
That’s DELHI


Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall and passes around cups for Rs 5 each. After all money can be made from any situation. He will probably pay a commission to the fighting people to keep at it for a longer time.
That’s AHMEDABAD

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting. They make threats like “I will hack the your computer” or “I will post your Facebook pictures in public”. Theres a lot of malicious technical jargon thrown around. Finally they go home without even touching each other as they are both late for their shifts. Infosys and Wipro are not kind to late comers.
That’s BANGALORE

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that “AMMA” doesn’t like all this nonsense. She won’t give away the free TVs and free rice and sugar if they don’t stop. The fighting twosome shake hands and walk away. Who would say no to the free TV?
That’s CHENNAI

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,then a fourth and they start arguing about who’s right. Pretty soon the matter escalates to why Sourav Ganguly was removed from his captaincy and how Greg Chappel is the biggest asshole known to mankind. They will all agree to the point but still continue arguing as they don’t want to look like the less intelligent one.
You are in KOLKATA

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. One abuses the other and gets slapped. The one who got slapped starts crying his eyes out and runs to mommy. Pretty soon he’s out of the Indian cricket team and making ads for cheap toothpaste.
You are in the IPL
and the best one..
 
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting.
Third guy comes along with a carton of beer.
All sit together drinking beer at the beach and abusing each other. They take a nice nap in the afternoon and continue with their session as the evening progresses. End of the day they all go home as friends.
You are in GOA!!

Promethe(WHY???)us

Director: Ridley Scott

Stars: Noomi Rapace, Logan Marshall-Green and Michael Fassbender

Rating: 2/5 (Only for the effects)

Synopsis: A team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a journey to the darkest corners of the universe. There, they must fight a terrifying battle to save the future of the human race.

Review: When a movie nears its end, you want to not go home, you know it’s almost the end but you wish it wasn’t. There are movies like that and then there’s Prometheus. It leaves a big question mark looming over your head “What did I just see?” and not in the good sense! The movie is allegedly a prequel to the Alien saga from the 80s. It has been written by the same writer who gave us the super successful series ‘Lost’ and the guy who made ‘Gladiator’. The movie sadly comes nowhere close to Lost or Gladiator. The highlight of the movie must have been the Batman trailer shown in the beginning.

In the ultimate search for the origin of mankind a group of explorers travel to an unknown planet on the outer rims of the galaxy. It’s worth noting that the directions to this planet are derived from 5 circles drawn on walls by the ancient civilizations that have inhabited the earth over the centuries.  Are five round circles rudimentarily drawn on cave a wall suddenly coordinates that are good directions? FOR TRAVELLING IN SPACE?! 

The movie moves along at a fast pace with a lot of questions left unanswered. Why does the Alien guy want to destroy earth? Why are the human-aliens so paranoid about abandoning the planet and running around in holograms? Why did the alien wake up and go on a Homicidal spree? Either you stick to the mindless killing that was Predator and Alien or you make a meaningful movie out of it like Independence Day. Hanging somewhere in the middle leaves the movie at just that – Hanging. The annoying characters die fast enough, big cheer for that.

It is worth mentioning that the special effects, as in all recent movies, are a little beyond top notch. The beautiful realms created and panned over look as life like as an average movie goer can perceive. So are the aliens (or whatever little of them is shown!) intricately detailed. The depiction of technology as it will be in 2090 is mind blowing. Hats off to the visual effects director. 

Performances of the actors are seldom important in a movie of this genre. The roles are too miniscule to come across as noteworthy. Decent performances by Michael Fassbender and Logan Marshall pull the movie through. Charlize Theron looks as smoking as ever. Having her wear that tight jumpsuit pushed the rating of this movie up by half a point.

An analogy I heard somewhere describes this movie the best. Imagine if Steven Spielberg made a prequel to Jurassic Park and there were no dinosaurs in it?! Well if you would enjoy that movie, I’m sure this one is for you. The whole movie had no beginning, middle or end. It was just a compilation of fillers found in typical movies.  However if you are looking for the meaning of life, and as unlikely as it sounds, are hoping to find it by watching movies… You just might be getting warmer!!